Being a wife and mother is the most fantastic job in the world! God designed a woman to be a helpmeet for her husband, to bear and raise children, and to "keep" or "build" her home. "A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down by her own efforts" Proverbs 14:1. The word "builds" here is the greek word "banar" meaning "to build (literally and figuratively): - (begin to) build (-er), obtain children, make, repair, set (up)". Therefore it encompasses bearing and raising children. Her "house" could be translated "family" - as in Ruth 4:11 where it says "Leah and Rachel built the house of Jacob". They did not literally build him a house made of bricks or wood, but bore him children, who became the tribes of Israel. A "keeper at home" (Titus 2:5), means that she is the overseer, or manager of the home. As in Proverbs 31:27, she "sees well to the ways of her household".
Women were also designed with a creative flair. Each one of us has unique gifts, talents, abilities and interests, which will influence the direction in which our creativity manifests itself.
Articles
Priorities
Sourdough Bread - Rye and Spelt
Cindy Rushton Organisation Skills
PRIORITIES
(I wrote this article in 2007 when our family (then with 6 children), were living in our shed whilst building the house we now live in. We lived in the shed seven years).
Why do we need to set priorities? The Bible says “Without a vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). To apply this verse to our daily lives means to say that without a plan we just meander through the days, weeks, and years, dabbling at this and that, but never accomplishing a lot. When we have a plan, a vision, or a list of priorities, we are more likely to get stuck in and do it. I want to live my life with purpose, to set and achieve some goals, not to merely survive day by day. To do this I need to think through my priorities – what are the really important things, and what is the order of their importance? So many opportunities are offering themselves to me as a homeschooler – swimming lessons, art and craft sessions, a mothers’ group, outings of every description. Then there are family and friends to visit, church and other groups to be involved in. How do I have the time to do everything? Quite simply, I don’t. I don’t have time for everything, therefore I must have a system for deciding which things to be involved in and which things to say “No” to. God knows how many hours are in a day!! He does not expect us to be exhausted at the end of every day. Trying to do too much will cause us to become burned out and sick. Because He knows how many hours are in a day, He will not ask us to do more than we can cope with. Sure, we must learn to do things in His strength. When we are weak, He is strong – I am not saying every day will be easy or that we should be able to breeze through each day with no effort. Homeschooling, training our children, and managing our homes is hard work. What I am saying is that we can make ourselves too busy, if we try to do more than God is asking us to. I have found staying home most of the time, with a few selected activities, is far more productive in the long run. One of my priorities is to have a peace-filled home. That does not happen if I am constantly rushing the children out the door to go somewhere. So setting this priority in my mind helps me to make decisions about outings.
So what are some of these priorities?
Time with God
This has to be our first priority. I know when I am trying to do things in my own strength that I cannot be the loving, kind, patient mother that I wish to be! I once knew a lady with two small children who said to me “The Bible says God gently leads those with young, so I think He carries us through these years when we don’t have time to spend with Him”. She didn’t make time for her relationship with the Lord – but this didn’t make her less busy! She found it difficult to cope with the stress of being a mother – if only she had taken time to seek God’s strength and enabling, how much better her life (and that of her family) could have been.
Every morning I commit my day to the Lord, asking Him to fill me with His love and His strength. I ask Him what He would have me do today. Sometimes a thought will come into my mind from Him – something I hadn’t planned to do, and would not have thought of myself, but I know He wants me to do it when this happens. Imagine an army going out to battle without first being given their orders – or an employee beginning work without first finding out what his boss would like him to do. Just so, we need to go to the Lord and find out His plans for our day. We also need to be refreshed and filled so that we have something to give. We cannot give out of an empty tank! We need to soak in the Lord’s presence each morning, to be assured of who we are in Him, so that we can reflect his love to our family and those we meet. There are so many things I want to be – wise, patient, loving, gentle, kind, generous, - and all I really need is to be like Jesus. He is all I need to be. I am crucified with Christ, it is Him who lives in me. Each day I need to remind myself of this, and choose to live the day with this in mind.
Mary and Martha are a great example to me – I’m sure all busy mothers can identify with Martha, who was rushing around being busy. However, she was also worrying and fussing – which is what Jesus rebuked her for. He did not tell her off for working hard. He said “Martha, Martha, you are worried and concerned about so many things, but Mary has chosen the better part”. Mary had chosen to sit at Jesus’ feet. My desire is, even when I am busy, to have an attitude of peace, of listening to Jesus, of resting in Him. I choose to quit my fretting and anxiety over many things, and instead to trust Him and be calm and peaceful.
I know how hard it is to make time for a “quiet time” in a busy household. Living in a two room shed, it is impossible for me to wake up earlier than my family. When one is up, everyone wakes up. So we are straight into breakfast and on with the day. However, I have found my space – after breakfast when the children’s chores are underway I go out to the goat shed to milk the goats. This is when I come before the Lord. I cannot read my Bible – I do that later, in the evening – but I can quote memorised verses. I can also sing, and pray. Can I encourage you, too, whatever your circumstances, to make meeting with God your first priority. Be creative – I don’t think God expects an hour long Bible study every day – it is your relationship with Him that matters.
Some possibilities: Take a walk – even with little ones in tow you can commune with the Lord if you take your thoughts captive and use the moments when the children are not talking to you! Sing and pray in the shower. Have a family prayer time. Give your children some quiet activities and let them know you are not available (unless in emergency) for a few minutes. Centre your thoughts on the Lord, sing and pray while you do housework.
Husband’s wishes
Eve was created to be a helper suitable for her husband. (That is what “help meet” means). Likewise, we are told in Titus 2:4 to love our husbands, and in verse 5 to be obedient to our husbands. I want to make it a priority to try and do what my husband wants me to. If he asks me to do something specific, I do it at the earliest opportunity. I do this because I want to be helpful to him, I want to honour him, in doing so I also honour and obey God. It is also a priority to keep my attitude towards my husband right.
I would like to share how the Lord taught me a lesson about my attitude to my husband. The goats were in season and Mark put the buck in the paddock next to them. “He will get through the fence” I warned. “No, he won’t get through that wire” he assured me. Later that day I was proven correct – to my annoyance, as I did not want the goats in kid yet. While I did not say anything to Mark, I stewed, and I fumed. I said to God “Please can’t I just say “I told you so”? I will feel a lot better”. I wondered what was the point of obeying my husband, when he was wrong. The Lord rebuked me sternly, saying “You are saying I am wrong. I told you to obey your husband, therefore you really think I am wrong to say so.” This cut me to the heart and I repented. To show the Lord’s sense of humour, not long after, the buck died, so we would not have been able to use him later, as I had planned, after all. Mark was right, even though he was wrong!!
I want to be a blessing to my husband, and so his needs are high on my priority list. Apart from promptly doing any specific things he asks me to, I also keep in mind the way he likes things. If your husband likes a tidy house you need to make it a priority to tidy up before he comes home from work. If he likes dinner at a certain time, make sure it is ready then, at least most of the time. Try to look ahead and see the things you know he would like you to do. Make time when he comes home to make him a hot drink and sit down to listen to him talk about his day (save all your news that you’re bursting to tell until after he has unwound). Remember, he has just been out working all day to support you and the children. He needs to feel appreciated and he also needs his home to be a welcome haven from the world. Make it a priority to have your husband look forward to getting home each evening.
My attitude
It is my priority to have a good attitude! I need to choose to smile at my children – to let them know many times a day how much they are unconditionally loved. I want my home to be a welcoming place to everyone who visits it. My attitude will set the tone for the home. If I am snappy, the children will be too. I need to make sure I keep a cheerful attitude towards my work. It is my responsibility to manage my home – not that I have to do all the work myself – I can delegate! However, when I recognise the fact that the responsibility is mine, I can then concentrate on getting the job done, not waiting for someone else to do it.
Children’s needs
Let’s break these down into three categories:
1 Emotional and Spiritual
My children’s greatest need, as I have already mentioned, is to know they are loved. To bask in my approval, to be encouraged by my smile, to be inspired to greatness, to learn there are consequences for their actions (both good and bad), are the things my children need from me each day.
Most importantly, they need a growing relationship with God – this should be a high priority for us – to see that they are getting spiritually fed each day. We need to reflect Christ in our own lives, for our children will learn from our example more than by our carefully thought out curriculum.
First-time obedience should be a priority in your home. When disobedience is allowed to creep in the parent becomes frustrated, and eventually angry at the child. Disobedience should be dealt with calmly and firmly when it first manifests itself. When it is nipped in the bud consistently the child learns to be obedient the first time he is asked. Consistency is essential to good parenting and is a wonderful exercise in self-discipline for the parent! Often it is easier to just raise your voice and repeat yourself, but in the long run this produces children who wait until your voice has reached that certain pitch, or you have repeated it enough times that he knows you’re going to blow up if you have to say it again, before he obeys. He becomes conditioned to your responses. Therefore the best response is to expect him to obey the first command. When children are trained in this way it is seldom necessary to need to discipline. Children are secure in the knowledge of their boundaries, and this is very reassuring to a child.
2 Physical
Of course, they need their physical needs met each day also – and so we need to do the practical things like preparing food, washing clothes, etc. They need to be trained to do all these practical things for themselves also. Our children should be well equipped for life when they leave our homes. Other physical needs include fresh air and exercise, and not to be cooped up inside all day. They need time to play, both alone, and together with their siblings.
3 Educational
They also need an education, and so we provide learning opportunities.
As each child has a different destiny their educational needs will differ from each other. We need to seek to know our children individually, and ask God for wisdom to decide what sort of knowledge they are going to need.
To begin with, all children need to know how to read, write, and do maths. These are a foundation for all other learning. Once a person can do these things they can educate themselves on all manner of different avenues. And so, until these skills are mastered, they will be the priority in my teaching. We may learn about all sorts of other things at the same time, but I will concentrate on these skills and purpose to get my children fluent in these first of all.
The character qualities we wish to instil into our children must also be high on the priorities list. There is no point raising an academically brilliant child if they do not care for others, have good manners, etc.
As mentioned above, we also need to purposely train them in practical skills. A lot of these skills will be learned as part of daily life, but some things will take an effort on your behalf to train your children to do. It is usually quicker and easier, for example, to bake by yourself, but in order for your children to learn this life skill you must take the time to show them how, and let them practice by doing it themselves.
My needs
Somewhere in your priority list needs to be set aside time for you! You need to set limits for what you are able to accomplish. Be prepared to say “No” to some requests. You are not superwoman – recognise your limitations and set your boundaries to prevent exhaustion. Try to get some times of refreshment for yourself every so often. Do you like to do a hobby? Visit with a friend? Have a date with your husband? Sit quietly by yourself in a café? Whatever it is that will bring a lift to your life when you’re feeling there isn’t much left to give – you need to take the time to do it. Just as a car needs fuel to keep it going, you cannot continue to give emotionally from an “empty tank”. Take some time to “re-fuel”.
I am not talking about being selfish, and robbing your family of your time because “it is my right to some time out”. I do not mean to put your children in daycare while you play tennis twice a week. We are called to be a “living sacrifice”, and the work we do is demanding and tiring. Work hard, but also remember that the Lord gives his loved ones rest.
Home management
To be able to work in our homes efficiently, our homes need to be organised. We need to spend time daily on maintaining the orderliness of our homes. Our children must be trained to help us in this task. Not only is it too much work for one Mother to do, it does our children a disservice if they are allowed to make the mess which we clean up. Housework does not rank terribly high on my ideal priority list, and yet it can take up so much time! I would so much rather spend all day teaching my children, or taking a walk, or, in fact almost anything else – and yet it is necessary to my sanity to keep my house at least reasonably tidy. We now spend about an hour after breakfast doing “chores” (if children tend to dawdle, I make them do the chores before breakfast – this hurries them up!) The children have some each, and I have some. All daily chores are divided between us. The children are responsible to keep their own room tidy, plus one area of the house. They swap “area” on a weekly basis. We also each have a list of “Weekly Chores” – things that only need doing once a week. These can be done at any time during the week, but if they’re not done by Saturday, we must do them then. Then again just before dinner in the evening, we have another set of tidying chores each. To begin this system I had to sit down and list every job that needed doing, then decide how often, and who should do it. Every so often I try to look at each job and ask myself if there is a more efficient way to get this job done. I sometimes read books on home management to help me to do things better/quicker, there are a lot of good ideas to be found in books or on the internet.
Outside commitments
This section may sound like a contradiction, but really I just want you to think carefully about your motivation for what you are involved in.
Firstly, if you have outside commitments, you must ask yourself if God wants you doing them at all. Sure, they can be good things – volunteer work, church work, organising homeschool group events – but be aware that the good can prevent us from the best. In other words we can get so busy with “good” things, that the best that God has planned for us is simply crowded out. We don’t have time to read books to our children, or to look at a sunset, or listen to our husbands, or to help our neighbour. Sometimes God does call us to have outside commitments – but you must be sure it is a “God calling”. You must also be very careful to keep it in balance with your family commitments.
God wants us to be involved in our families. He also wants us to be salt and light in the world. Sometimes our whole family can be involved in ministry together. I feel this is a better option than the mother having a “ministry” that takes her from her home.
We are to be Christ’s hands and feet. We are to take care of the poor, the widow and the orphan. We are to be hospitable. We must be involved in the Lord’s work. But let us take our children along with us, they are our apprentices – then we can accomplish two things at once – taking the gospel into the world on one hand, and training our children to do likewise on the other. We must make room in our priority list for other people.
GETTING PRACTICAL
OK. To make your own list of priorities you need to ask yourself what is most important to you. What do you want to accomplish? Daily? Weekly? Yearly? In your lifetime? Then you need a plan for how to go about it. Let’s start with some questions. Please write your answers and spend some time thinking and praying about your responses.
- What is of lasting value?
- When I look back in 20 – 30 years time what would I like to have done well at?
- When I look back at the end of my life what do I not want my regrets to be?
- “I wish I had spent more time….”
- “I wish I had….”
- “ I wish I hadn’t….”
- What things would you like to change about your life? (Must be possible – don’t list any things you personally do not have the ability to change).
- What heritage do you want to pass on to your children?
- What do you want to be remembered for?
Reading back over this article, list in order the most important things, in your opinion. Feel free to add your own ideas to your list.
Make sub-headings under each item in your list. List in order the most important things under each heading. For example, “Educating children” may be fourth on your list. In this new list, write down in order what you want to teach your children.
Now you have quite a list – your own list of priorities. In future when you have decisions to make you can refer back to your list. Use it to keep you on track. When an opportunity arises, for example, to be involved in a sports team, you can look on your list and see where on your priority list this would fall. You can also look at what priorities come before this one, and consider whether the time involved in the sports team would crowd out some of your more important priorities, or whether this is something you feel would help you to reach your goals.
By referring often to this list you will be able to see whether you are, in fact, reaching your targets, or whether you are not accomplishing what you would like to. When this happens, you can re-consider your activities to see what needs to be given up, so that the things you consider more important will be attained.
A daily/weekly plan or schedule can be helpful to get done what you want to do. This way you can be sure that your most important priorities are covered every day. Always remember, however, that your schedule is a tool, and not your taskmaster. Be flexible enough to not fret when your day doesn’t go according to plan.
May God bless you as you seek His plans for your life.
RYE AND SPELT SOURDOUGH BREAD
Because one of my daughters and myself are intolerant of wheat, I have been making sourdough bread using rye and spelt. Both contain gluten, so are not suitable for people with coeliac disease. However, many people are only intolerant of wheat, and can enjoy this bread with no ill effects. The reasons for this are two-fold.
- Spelt, although related to wheat, has less gluten, and is easier to digest because of its water soluble properties. I plan to make a webpage all about spelt and its benefits. We are growing some at present.
- The sourdough process makes the grains more easily digested also.
To make sourdough bread you must first have a starter.
The sourdough starter is made simply by putting a cupful of rye flour and a cupful of water in a bowl and leaving on the bench. Every day for seven days add another cup of flour and another cup of water. Within a few days the mixture should become bubbly looking and smell slightly sour. Do not use metal containers or utensils. I use a crockery bowl and rubber spatula.
After a week it is ready to make bread.
The starter - notice the bubbles
Keep at least 1 cupful of starter for your next batch. If you want to bake every week just continue feeding as before. To bake less often, or to make a half size batch, only feed half a cup of rye and half a cup of water per day until you have the right quantity for a batch of bread. If you want a break, or only want to bake bread on occasion you can store your starter in the fridge. Bring it out and let it warm up to room temperature, then start feeding it in the above manner about a week before you want to bake. To hurry the process up you can feed it more than 1 cup of each, so long as the amount of starter is always greater than the amount of flour and water you are adding. You can add it more often than once per day, also - just make sure it is bubbling well before you add another lot.
Breadmaking instructions
6 cups starter
6 cups rye flour
6 cups spelt flour
2 cups water
3 Tablespoons honey (optional - depends how sour you like your bread)
6 teaspoons salt
Mix all ingredients together in large bowl.
Starter, flours, salt and honey.
Water added.
Knead by stirring with the end of a rolling pin for 5 minutes. The mixture should be too runny to knead in the conventional way. Simply pull the rolling pin end through the mixture back and forwards, turning the bowl as you go. A wooden spoon will suffice, but the rolling pin is easier on your arm muscles. Putting the bowl on a table rather than a bench will be a better height for kneading so you are not having to reach upwards.
Beginning mixing (with spoon)
After 5 minutes kneading (with rolling pin)
After a few minutes the gluten in the flours begins to work, and the dough becomes more coherent and smooth.
Using a cup, jug, or small bowl half fill your well greased or lined bread pans. Pat the dough smooth with a wet hand. If you wish to make buns half fill muffin pans with the dough.
The bread in the pans to rise.
Buns after 11 hours rising.
Bread after 11 hours rising.
Now leave the bread to rise for 10 - 12 hours. I either make it first thing in the morning and bake at night, or make it last thing in the evening and bake in the morning.
Bake at 180 degrees Celcius (350 F), for one hour. Buns will take approximately 30 minutes.
Hot baked bread...Mmmmm....
Leave to cool completely before slicing. Or, if you want to eat hot bread - slice while hot, rinsing the knife after every slice or two to keep the blade clean.
Cooled and sliced.
A slice of bread, anyone?
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Quick Tips For the Perpetually Late, Disorganized, Stressed Out Mom!
By Cindy RushtonCindy's Website
Does this SPEAK to you? Nothing is more frustrating than great intentions but failure with the time management, organization, and gentle spirit thing! So, what can REALLY help? Need a bit of hope? Practical ideas? Well, beloved, here are a few tips that have made a world of difference for me:
--> Be sure to slow down and have a quiet time EACH DAY! Take time for God to fill YOUR cup each day. Let Him give you HIS peace, order, and best of all, schedule! Take time to hear HIS plans for your day. Throughout the day, listen to His gentle direction. Be sure that you are willing to let go of the things that God wants to prune away. Without this, all else is only a band-aid!
--> Invest in a Planner! I am the world’s worst at trying to do it all while trying desperately to remember those incredible details that are doomed to slip my brain! I decided to take a long, honest look at the things that were creating chaos. Most often, the biggest culprit was overcommitment or an underestimate of time involved with commitments. Writing down ALL commitments, along with an honest look at the time commitment involved (even going and coming OR planning the details around that commitment!), has made an indescribable impact on my life! Not to mention, another breeder of chaos in my life was constantly looking for information that needed to be in a dependable place like phone numbers, ordering information, etc. Keeping ONE binder with my information included eliminates the chaos, but it does even more! It gives my brain a rest!
--> Evaluate to find the BEST that God has designed for YOU to do! Sure, there are many “little things” that must be done to manage our homes, but if you are really struggling with balance, discipline yourself to write down everything that you are doing for a little while. Pray over the importance of each and every thing. Time is so very precious. God gives us everything that we need to do all that He has designed for us to do, but He will not anoint those things that will choke out His best for our lives. So, really pray through…think through…weigh out everything. Listen to God for HIS goals for you. Prune those things that are not in line with His goals for you. Get rid of any time wasters. Prioritize every activity, every day! Combine activities that can be done together to make the most of time. Delegate those things that others can do to help you be a good steward of your time. Then, make the most of your time doing the very best things that God has designed for you to do!
--> Write IT down! Yep! Give your brain a break! This may seem to compound your problem, but trust me this will help more than you know! It is NOT another thing to do! Rather, once things are written down, the work is done FOR you! For example, keeping a calendar of events in your planner will help to alleviate conflicts in your schedule. Blocking off plenty of time for each entry will help you to give yourself enough margin left over for LIFE! I may live less than five miles from downtown, but if there is an appointment there, I KNOW to give myself 30 minutes to get there! Also, I cannot tell you how much my lists from years ago are beginning to really help me! I have lists for school lessons, shopping, traveling, producing the magazines, speaking, etc. I may have to add to my generic list, but I cannot tell you how many times my lists have helped me to be sure that NOTHING was left out or forgotten. Plus, now the planning process is simplified. I just pull out my list, go over the list, add anything that is missing, and get busy! Several of my lists are typed into my computer, ready to print. Talk about EASY planning! Find ways that you can simplify what you are doing—writing it down will probably be one of your first steps too!
--> Keep your STUFF ready to use! Whether your planner or your purse or even your Bible/journal for church, get things together and in their special spot, ready to go. I have a tote that includes all of the things that I need for Church. I keep it together, ready to go. Our school books stay in a milk crate (one for each child), ready to use at the table or to grab for our trips with the business. Everything that we need is ready at all times. My planner stays at my chair, ready to grab to leave the house. So on. Decide on what you need for planning, church, homeschooling, or your business. Get everything together. Find its very best spot for it to be easy to use, but not in the way or forgotten. You will be surprised at how much stress this will alleviate!
--> Put limits on your day! For years, I battled the different aspects of my day that tend to become monsters! Funny thing, I have never seen my family life ever become one of those monsters. My sweetheart and my children are so much more patient than my nasty kitchen! Memories will always wait for schoolwork to be completed. Laughter will always let the business monster rant and rage! The best (but most difficult) lesson of my life to date was that if I wanted the legacy that God had planned for me, then I had to diligently guard the different aspects of life. I had to consciously purpose to make memories and build relationships with those I love much, much more than a clean house or thriving business or successful homeschool. A whole day can zoom by just on the internet with the business…or working through our lessons…or even re-organizing a closet. Plus, those things wear me down till I am completely zapped! Oh, and then, I am not the nicest person on earth! (ouch—confessions hurt!) While these things are precious and wonderful in their boundaries, I have to CONSTANTLY place limits to insure that we have a balanced life that makes the most of each day AND builds a legacy.
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